


BLESSED RAIN

by mybigfatcat



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M, Rain, so much rain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 05:39:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16320148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybigfatcat/pseuds/mybigfatcat
Summary: It’s cold, clammy, and wet. The water has soaked its way through the padded jacket, through the T-shirt underneath and through his jeans and into his shoes. He’s standing motionless, his umbrella abandoned on the ground beside him. The rain is falling punishingly from the dark sky.





	BLESSED RAIN

**Author's Note:**

> To the gang. Ya'll know who you are ( ˘ ³˘)♥
> 
>  
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This is fiction, and it's not meant for commercial purposes.

BLESSED RAIN . 1

 

It’s cold, clammy, and wet. The water has soaked its way through the padded jacket, through the T-shirt underneath and through his jeans and into his shoes. He’s standing motionless, his umbrella abandoned on the ground beside him. The rain is falling punishingly from the dark sky.

He hardly knows where his body ends and the rain starts, or the other way around. He doesn’t even know if he’s crying or not.

So this is how it feels, he thinks. So this is how it feels to have your heart broken. But he is numb and his heart is still intact.

 

-

 

When Seungri, through his own relentless effort, is made a member of Bigbang, he’s also for the very first time made aware of the things he doesn’t know about life. He makes mistakes after mistakes, puts his foot in his mouth more times than he can count. Disrespects his seniors, acts too careless, is picky with the food, acts like a kid his age.

It teaches him that there are still so many things he doesn’t know. Like how to keep a girlfriend, or how to get on Jiyong’s good side again. Or how to grill meat when they’re at the local samgyeopsal place.

Some things he learns or figures out with time, some things happen on their own. Some things he to this day don’t know how to deal with. Like the way Jiyong leans against them in the company car on their way to location out of town. The way Jiyong breathes into his skin. Seungri still doesn’t know how to keep a girlfriend.

 

-

 

As he stands in the rain - his heart intact, his pride broken - Seungri grows up.

 

-

 

“Man, it’s really pouring down out there,” Daesung says as he walks in through the front door of the hair salon and shrugs a bit as if to shake the water off. His hair and shoulders are darkened by the rain. Seungri waves a hello from where they’ve left him in a chair while the concoction they’ve smeared all through his hair does its thing.

“Traffic was screwed up for you too?” Seungri asks.

“We got stuck fifteen minutes away from here, thought we’d be stuck there for life. Are the others here already?”

Seungri shakes his head and realizes that that was not a good idea. He stills again and sits with an even straighter back than before.

“No, just you and me. I don’t think they’re coming, pretty sure the schedule says they’re doing this in the afternoon,” Seungri says and points at his plastic wrapped head. Then Daesung has to get out of the way in the door as his manager comes barreling through, and then he gets kidnapped by eager hairstylists ready to do what they can with his outgrown military cut.

Seungri’s own manager is nowhere to be seen, so he stays in his chair with the boring fashion magazine in his lap. He waits.

In his mind, he sees Jiyong walking through that door, he sees him drenched from the rain. In his mind he imagines standing out in the rain, his umbrella lying abandoned on the ground beside him. His head leaning back so his face is aimed at the skies. Even though he sits in a padded chair in the waiting room of a hair salon he can feel the rain against his skin. It’s with him, always.

 

-

 

The rain is falling softly, faintly, like a mist. The city is enveloped in it, it makes everything darker, shinier, and seemingly cleaner. It frizzes hair, makes makeup run, damages expensive leather shoes, sends mud splatters up the back of your legs from walking. Seungri’s hair curls and breaks free from the straight perm they gave him, and Jiyong laughs as he sees it and runs his fingers through the unruly bangs. Seungri leans into the touch.

“Hyung,” he says, and Jiyong laughs a bit more but releases Seungri’s curls.

“It’s cute,” Jiyong says.

Seungri thinks he’s too old to blush, but he can feel the heat on his cheeks nonetheless.

“It’s because he never uses an umbrella, the fool,” Seunghyun declares with his whole regal being splayed out on the waiting room couch. He holds his phone in front of him as if he’s reciting a new edict. As if he’s about to state that ‘all fools without umbrellas should refrain from blushing because it’s their own fault’. It makes Seungri smile.

“He’s cute because he’s our sweet maknae,” Youngbae says and joins Jiyong, leans against him with an arm casually slung over his shoulder.

Seungri shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and then back again, while smiling a bit more. Less genuine now.

The room is too bright, there’s too many people, Jiyong looks at him too closely and he can hear Seunghyun’s snickering chuckles behind his back. His rain soaked clothes makes him feel clammy and somehow he’s boiling hot. His cheeks continue to burn.

He’s glad when the photography director comes in to give a quick rundown of how the stylist will style them and what the theme of the photoshoot is, it takes the focus away from him, makes him think less about how he wants to do that too. How he wants to lean on Jiyong too, casually. A want that he feels even stronger once he’s home again, sitting alone on his floor while the TV plays in the background.

I just want to be able to lean my head on his shoulder, he thinks, I just want to be that kind of friend. A want so strong it could be called desire. A longing. Stronger than ever as he sits there with his phone in his hand, his thumb hovering above Jiyong’s name in the contact list.

Instead of pressing the phone screen, instead of calling, he opens instagram. He scrolls down the nyongtory tag and saves a photo or two. The rain hits the window behind him.

 

-

 

“It’s cute,” Jiyong says in his dream. And Seungri stands in front of him, his heart in his throat, his face flushed, his brown hair a mess of curls.

“I like it,” dream Jiyong says and butterflies flutter all through Seungri’s body.

Seungri stands rooted to the ground, in his dream he has forgotten how to move. He has forgotten his umbrella that lies abandoned on the ground beside him.

The rain falls into this eyes, forcing him to blink over and over again.

“What?!” he shouts as whatever Jiyong says next is drowned out by the sound of the rain, “what did you say, hyung?!”

But the rain falls harder and Seungri can’t see Jiyong anymore, he’s hidden in the evermoving shadows. When Seungri opens his mouth to call out for him again he feels how it fills with water instantly, and then there is nothing but water.

As the dream loses its grip on him, and when sleep falls away from him, he sits up straight in bed while coughing and choking on air. The room is dark except for the faint city light that makes its way past the blinds on the windows. It feels like he’s still there, in the water.

Seungri kicks the sheets and the blankets off his legs and stumbles to the bathroom, he closes his eyes when he turns the lights on by the sink. The light stings.

“Get a grip,” he tells himself, runs the water and splashes it on his face.

“Get a fucking grip.”

 

-

 

Seungri sits at the end of the table beside Daesung. They’re in a conference room for one of the planning meetings, but they’ve taken a break and they’re the only two left. Seungri could step out and make a call, because there’s always calls waiting to be made, but he stays. Daesung is only wearing a T-shirt, and Seungri shivers at the thought. It had been raining in the morning again, and he had put on a cashmere sweater to ward off the cold. He still feels the chill of the rain enveloping him.

“You’re a bit off today,” Daesung says, and turns to Seungri.

“Off?” he asks with feigned ignorance.

Daesung frowns, and he usually doesn’t. It looks unnatural on him.

“You know, you almost jumped through the ceiling when Jiyong hyung said hi earlier. And then you drank all of our coffee. _Off_.”

“Ah, _off_ ,” Seungri repeats.

“You’re an idiot, Lee Seunghyun,” Daesung says and turns back to the piles of papers and documents in front of him.

“I’ve always been one,” Seungri agrees.

“Not like this, this is new,” Daesung argues. “You used to be able to be in the same room as us for at least an hour before you started to be antsy. Now you want to leave even before you’ve arrived.”

There’s no accusation in his voice, no trace of spite. Daesung, eyes fixed on the different marketing strategy proposals, just tells Seungri how it is. And it’s true, so true. It’s even a miracle that no one else has said anything before. Seungri has learnt many things in his adult life that he didn’t know when he was a kid. But some things he still doesn’t know. Like how to deal with Jiyong. Or how to keep a girlfriend. But mostly he doesn’t know what to do with Jiyong. Or how he feels about Jiyong, Or how Jiyong makes him feel.

All he can do is sigh, and he sits beside Daesung in the quiet room, looking out at the rain falling from the sky.

 

-

 

Seungri has sunk deep into the passenger seat. He can’t wait to be out of the building, to be out of the basement parking garage and to leave block after block behind him as he leaves. He had taken charge again after the break in the meeting and he had been determined to prove Daesung wrong. Even though Daesung was right. Now he sits in his car, feeling the chill even more than before.

The driver side door opens and Seungri relaxes even more.

“I couldn’t sleep last night, so I’m going to try to take a nap,” he announces to his manager, eyes still closed.

“Too much partying?” Jiyong asks, and Seungri flinches as he sits upright and stares at the man in the driver’s seat.

Jiyong, with his infuriating smirk and his black hair swooped back, holds the car keys demonstratively in his right hand.

“Your new manager is a darling,” Jiyong declares and puts on his seatbelt and then starts the car.

Seungri, at a loss for words, blinks once and twice to make sure he’s not imagining things. But it is Jiyong, and he really is carefully maneuvering the car out of the parking garage and out onto the city streets.

“He went back up to get his bag,” Seungri says, still in awe.

“I know, I was the one who took it,” Jiyong answers. Seungri is filled with marvel.

They stay quiet after that, and Seungri only has to point at an overhead road sign once so they get on the right exit and don’t have to circle all the way back to the downtown area again. The rain has momentarily stopped.

Jiyong is a good driver, but Seungri doesn’t remember ever having had Jiyong over to his apartment before. Eventually they’re parked in Seungri’s parking spot, and Jiyong looks over at Seungri in expectation.

“So...?” he asks.

“So...? Ehm, wanna come up?” Seungri asks.

 

-

**Author's Note:**

> Don't despair, there's a second chapter, I just needed to get this first one out of the way.


End file.
